Predictable

After our Kenya meeting this week, I came home temporarily overwhelmed. The magnitude of the trip – how far we have to go, how long we will be away, my ever-growing packing list – falls heavily upon me at times. Although we talked sincerely about spending our fleeting time in the pursuit of meaningful, eternally focused pursuits (and I am totally on board with that, by the way), I was still sucked into the angry vortex of missed bedtimes, unbrushed hair and teeth, a messy house and a burgeoning task list when I arrived home. And I have to ask, Lord, when am I gonna get it??

I take great comfort from Philippians 1:6, where Paul said, “There has never been any doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” I also love Paul’s words in Romans 7: “For I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes! I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.” Can’t you just hear his frustration and bewilderment? And by the way, this is great St. Paul who is talking!

He also says, “The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does help me. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”

After my initial grumpiness arriving home the other night, I submitted to lying down with my daughter although it was 10 p.m., and we were both exhausted. As I cradled her in my arms and stroked her hair, I hummed along to her music CD, which was playing a guitar instrumental version of Amazing Grace, one of only two songs I ever learned to sing to them at bedtime. God spoke to me with the gentle reproof that I was incredibly fortunate to experience such a moment with my girl, who is healthy, vibrant and desires my presence. My heart broke for mothers who, on that night, did not have peace of mind about their child’s health and future or who were longing to simply hold a child who is no longer with them.

My daughter only needed 15 minutes of my time, and she was settled and ready to sleep.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. Indeed.