Predictable

After our Kenya meeting this week, I came home temporarily overwhelmed. The magnitude of the trip – how far we have to go, how long we will be away, my ever-growing packing list – falls heavily upon me at times. Although we talked sincerely about spending our fleeting time in the pursuit of meaningful, eternally focused pursuits (and I am totally on board with that, by the way), I was still sucked into the angry vortex of missed bedtimes, unbrushed hair and teeth, a messy house and a burgeoning task list when I arrived home. And I have to ask, Lord, when am I gonna get it??

I take great comfort from Philippians 1:6, where Paul said, “There has never been any doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” I also love Paul’s words in Romans 7: “For I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes! I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.” Can’t you just hear his frustration and bewilderment? And by the way, this is great St. Paul who is talking!

He also says, “The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does help me. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”

After my initial grumpiness arriving home the other night, I submitted to lying down with my daughter although it was 10 p.m., and we were both exhausted. As I cradled her in my arms and stroked her hair, I hummed along to her music CD, which was playing a guitar instrumental version of Amazing Grace, one of only two songs I ever learned to sing to them at bedtime. God spoke to me with the gentle reproof that I was incredibly fortunate to experience such a moment with my girl, who is healthy, vibrant and desires my presence. My heart broke for mothers who, on that night, did not have peace of mind about their child’s health and future or who were longing to simply hold a child who is no longer with them.

My daughter only needed 15 minutes of my time, and she was settled and ready to sleep.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. Indeed.

People to Love

Why does God give us people to love? How is it possible that He can be so good to us? My whole day has been filled with beloveds. It started this morning, around a kitchen table, with a bunch of cackling, hilarious women who make me laugh until I cry ... it is pointless to wear mascara around them, but I do it anyway. They encourage me in completely surprising and humbling ways. They teach me things all the time. It is so obvious to me that God put them in my life. He picked me up by the scruff of the the neck, like a mama cat picks up her kitten, and placed me right here amongst them. Why? Because He can. Because He loves to give His children good gifts.

We got to give our own child some good gifts tonight, it being her 10th birthday and all. And it's true...every smile, every cry of delight delighted her parents as well. And if we sinful people know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our Heavenly Father give to us if we ask Him?

Matthew 7:11

Easter

I must admit, I hate getting up early. Well, let's say I hate the first few moments of getting up early, when the alarm goes off in its rude way and the bed sings its irresistable siren song...I'm warm, I'm soft, you're sleepy, you were dreaming, don't leave... But I actually quite like it once I'm up and dressed and have shut out the calls of the night. I'm reminded of our first morning on the island of Kauai in Hawaii circa May 2003. Because our internal clocks were still back home on the East Coast, we woke naturally in the dark and took our coffee out to the beach to watch the sunrise. There was not another person on that beach and the colors of the sky and water filled us from the inside out. Worth waking up for.

Easter morning this year started for us before dawn. There was excitement in the air, anticipation of something wonderful about to happen. God was going to do something. Thoughts of the women running from the empty tomb to tell the disciples, He's not there! and the disciples racing to see for themselves, formed in my mind. What waited for us at church was a blessing, a gift. He was doing something right before our eyes and whispering His love and compassion into our ears. He was showing us that what He did for us 2000 years ago is still valid and still available to each of us. It was so worth waking up for.

http://mtbethel.org/building-passion/

How He Speaks to Us

Heard an awesome story today about God speaking to a friend through a particular verse. Jeremiah 29:11 was used several times over a few days when she was presented with an opportunity to do something she had never considered doing. We all listened to her story of "coincidences" with nodding heads and smiles! What a cool "God thing!" He is so good to communicate with us by His words and give us total peace when we make decisions that acknowledge His will in our lives. When I prayed for a door to open to make this trip possible for me this year, and God answered - immediately and fully - I was taken aback at first. I thought, "Really? You want me to do this? For real?" And then thrilled, elated, that He obviously did want me to do it and had intervened to make it possible. I laughed out loud in that moment, all alone like a crazy woman in my minivan. He made Himself obvious to me for a beautiful, crystalline moment. I don't always feel it. I question, I wonder...are you there, do you hear? He is. He does. As I said earlier, I am hungry for, greedy for, utterly addicted to that sense of recognition. It's not always a happy addiction, though, because as I know more, He allows me to see more. As I see more, He allows me to feel more, and that is not always where I want to go. There is so much pain, heartache, unfairness and evil in the world - can I look at it? Do I want to?

Our awesome team leader gave us this verse to meditate upon at our last Kenya meeting.

What a wonderful God we have -- he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us. You can be sure that the more we undergo sufferings for Christ, the more he will shower us with his comfort and encouragement.

Asante.

Yes, Virginia, it is far

As in, the other side of the world. OK, so I am not really looking forward to a 16-hour plane ride. Nope, the very thought of it makes me a little claustrophobic and a whole lot antsy. Better not to think of it. I'll think about that tomorrow.

God has actually stilled my heart quite a bit on this issue. I think He has some kind of cool trick where He covers our eyes and protects our thoughts from dwelling on worrisome things we can't change.

So, if you are praying for me, I ask for continued covering of eyes and the courage to keep walking forward. Also, if you feel so inclined, please send me a book recommendation that I can download into my ipod. Don't send me a classic literature recommendation that I should have read in college, or will make me look smart on the plane. Send me the ONE book that you absolutely had to devour in one sitting, the one that you stayed up until 4 in the morning to finish, the one that engrossed your mind and heart to such an extent that you forgot you were on an airplane for hours and hours. And hours. That's the one.

asante!!

The Decision

I'm going to Kenya this summer. Dang, that is one outrageous sentence. I am not believing it yet.

I am inspired to go by my sweet friends who have gone.

I am excited to go. What will happen when I go? Who knows? But I'm going.

I am just flat out greedy for God's presence. When He works all around, and sometimes, if I'm very lucky, through (or in spite of) me...there is just nothing more thrilling to see and experience.

Why go? Why go so far? Yes, there are plenty of people in need right here in Marietta, Georgia. And He uses me here, too. When I'm open. When I'm not caught up and carried away by life's currents. When I'm not distracted by shiny objects. When I'm not immersed in Me. But there is something undeniably sweet and purposeful about removing myself from this comfortable life, full of its many blessings, and spending 10 precious days doing Solely Only Specifically what He would have me to do. Trusting Him to direct my path, my words, my heart. Goodbye, Me.

I don't know why He wants me to go to Kenya, but He opened the door and invited me to walk through it. He provided the way. He said: Step out of the boat, girl! Just for 10 days. A nanosecond really, on the clock of my life. It's entirely possible, probable even, that He is far more interested in what He can do in my life, in each person's life that will intersect with this trip, than in what I can do for anyone I may meet.

And so, there it is. I'm going to Kenya this summer. What?!!??!!